Parenting is a job that comes without any learning. Children come without a manual. But to realise that bringing up a whole human into life is bringing up a whole world together. Future of the world is in your hands. But without clear instructions on how to handle them.
There is lots of advice on how to be the children who are upto the mark of their parents. Following parent’s instructions, how to be a nice human being. But way too less on how to be good parents. Because we assume that every “parenting” is good parenting. We have romanticized parenting way too much. Parenting is not only a relationship with your children. But it is a reflection of a deep relationship with self. Learning of Self. Evolution of self.
We have heard many speeches on how a mother has to put up with so many difficulties to bring a child into the world, how much a father toils to bring up a child and so on. Yes! That is all true. Let this all be on one side. Now we are not going to talk about that here at all.
From the eyes of the immaculate beings
It is all known that the parents have to go through to bring a child up. But a child who is born as a pure soul into this world, a clean slate. Curious to learn, curious to observe and tender to accept change. But what a massive change they go through. From being safe in a womb without anything to becoming a human being with the requirement to adapt to change in environment, climate, people, light and everything.
The most precious years of human life is the period of ultimate transformation. The period between 0 to 7 years. What we learn in this precious period sticks with us throughout our lives. We have observed, absorbed, learnt patterns and more. We know when to keep quiet, when to throw tantrums, how to learn new things. This period is when a child’s learning is skyrocketing. Literally going in a straight line upwards. This is also the period when a child forms its belief systems.
How does a child learn mostly? 90 percent of the time we do not teach the child, the child observes, absorbs and imitates. The child is exposed to his/her parents only for most of the time from 0 to 3 years. It is natural that the child imitates the parent’s behaviour, character and actions. Role models are formed not by instruction, but by observation
See your mirror - Child
Sometimes we are proud of what our child does. Sometimes we wish they wouldn't speak another word in public and embarrass you. When you child reflects the good part of you, you are so proud and say “He/She is just like me!”. Do you atleast think that? Sure. Yes. But when your child reflects on your bad behaviour, let us say some bad words which you don’t want to use in public? You want to disown the child saying, “He/She is doing like someone else”. But pause for a while and see where a bad word or a bad behaviour comes from. You! Sorry to tell the truth but it is “You”.
When you see your child exhibiting bad behaviour or action in public or at home, what is the next action that we take? Instruct saying, “Shut up”? “Stop it!”, threaten them saying, “Don’t do that anymore”, “I will not give you something”. We say be a good boy or good girl. Is this what you do? Then you have to continue reading with care.
Because when you keep saying good or bad child, we do something without our knowledge. We say that, if you are not conforming with something, then you are not good enough. We sometimes take away the freedom to be curious. A “shut up” can shut them up for a while from a few things.
You might ask, “Am I supposed to let the child do that?”. The answer is no. Clearly “No!”. But that is not the only way to correct. It could be embarrassing. But handle that with love. Help them get a belief about themselves by telling them something really positive.
Your words matter
It is advised by child psychologists that we should not term a child as a good or a bad child. See, this gives them a choice to be bad as well. But use positive reinforcement, such as “I love you no matter what, but it would be great if you acted in some way”. Keep telling your child that you love him/her no matter how they fail at things, give them freedom to fail and experiment.
Become what you want in your child
Children take their parents seriously. Every word matters. Every action speaks. If parents can do something, it means that even they can do it. Advice and instructions will work only sometimes. But when your positive words flood them, they become a new world of creativity and hope of a great future.
Working on your children’s character and future means “working with yourself”. Your beliefs, your character, your attitude, your words and your whole being. Children see you joyful, solving problems, having freedom to switch between careers, choosing to be good at all times. They are going to learn amazing lessons from your life. It is all going to come from what they see. Your life can make them believe that there are endless possibilities, positivity and freedom.
Work on the child in you. The child which was termed bad, not good enough, restricted, without freedom to choose, given instructions. You have difficulties thinking about those times. Don’t you? Gift your children freedom, positivity and hope of a better life. Nurture the child in you. You can see your children transform to become amazing beings the world is waiting for.
Kudos and Lots of Love!